I have been a born again Christian for a number of years now. However, I still believe that this faith journey of mine has a long way to go… It is one that is familiar and but at the same unfamiliar to me. One has to be really intentional.
It really started a few years ago when something happened that ended up adding to allll the other burdens of that week and I felt like my world was falling apart. Imagine! I was already dealing with so much and this one thing felt like the thing that was going to break me. Then I spoke these words, “God, I know I am a strong woman but just how strong do You really think I am? I am not sure that I have the strength for this storm.”
I literally cried and I spent hours on the phone with those closest to me. Wrapped under my bedsheets and trying to sleep the weekend away. I wanted to pretend as though nothing wrong was happening. I wanted to have the escape that sleep can sometimes bring.
God had other plans for me…
Very early the next morning I felt God waking me up and telling me to go for a walk. He was literally trying to pull me outside. Honestly, I wrestled with it for a while, being the stubborn person that I can sometimes be. I did not want to get out of bed and I certainly did not want to go for a walk! The sun was barely up and I was comfortable continuing on this pity party of mine. The urge to get up and get outside to walk would not leave me so I said, “Ok God, I do not know what good it will do but I will go!”
Let me just tell you, that first walk with God that day has meant everything to me.
It was the start of something great, something hard, something painful, and something full of joy! I walked for about an hour just crying out loud to God about every hurt I was experiencing. You can only imagine how I looked!
That first slow walk was full of tears, sobs, moans, yells, and quiet whispers to God. I asked so many questions, I told Him all my fears and hurts, I began to rely on Him again in a way I had not in a very long time. See, I thought I was close in my walk with Him but I realised that day that I had really stumbled. I had stopped living for HIM and had just been existing. Other things had come above God. I let others define my happiness and my mood for each day. I was pouring everything I could into every relationship but the one that really mattered most. In the middle of it all, I was nowhere to be found.
Liz had ceased to exist. What I then realised is, God knows exactly how to get my attention and it took what I thought was my world falling apart to wake me up. During that walk, I realised that I no longer loved a lot about the way I was. I did not like the way I was behaving, the way I was living my life and the fact that I was not confident in Christ the way I should be.
Did this one walk completely heal me?? No.
Did it answer all my questions?? Not even close.
What it did do is make me realise was that, no, I was not strong enough for this storm, but I did not have to be because God was, and it is in Him that I find my strength. In 1 Chronicles 16:11, the Bible says we should continually look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always.
This walk was just the beginning of the journey that would take me through a roller coaster of emotions daily.
This walk was the beginning of my Waiting on God, of my relying completely on Him, of Him building a faith in me that moved mountains and finding a true peace in the midst of the storm. I am so thankful to God for pulling me outside to walk and talk with HIM!
I just want to encourage you that we are not called to walk in our strength; we are called to walk in His..
What do you need to talk over with the Lord? Do not wait another day! It is time to stop existing and time to start living for Him!